jesse lear blog desires

Why Criticizing Your Desires is Keeping You Stuck

I think it’s so important to slam on the brakes anytime we catch ourselves demonizing a state of being that we want…or glorifying a state of being that we don’t want.

It always makes me sad when I see people’s faces light up while talking about their illnesses/social drama/tough financial situations, etc.

If there’s some part of you deep down that actually WANTS to experience the thing you’re complaining about, no amount of effort will be enough to break free from it.

Our minds do weird things that most of us never realize…like associating sickness with love+attention if, as kids, we got the most love+attention when we were sick…etc.

Also, if there’s something you want, but some deeper part of you actually DOESN’T want it, you’ll likely end up frustrated because it will mysteriously elude you no matter what you try.

For example…

You might want an awesome boyfriend, but if somewhere deep down you are scared of marriage because most of the marriages in your family have turned into awful situations, there’s a strong chance that you’ll end up sabotaging interactions with the most amazing guys you meet.

You’ll screw things up by doing weird things that even YOU don’t understand because, whether you realize it or not, you’re afraid of allowing anything to happen that could result in marriage.

You’ll probably even find yourself having the strongest connections with the types of guys who you’d NEVER want to marry…and even saying things like, “I always seem to attract the worst guys”….but you won’t know why.

Also, it blows my mind when I hear friends of mine bash wealthy people, calling them things like greedy, inconsiderate, disconnected from reality, selfish, etc…

…and then in the SAME CONVERSATION…say that they really want to learn how to start a business so they can build wealth for their families.

If any part of you believes that wealth makes people greedy, inconsiderate, disconnected from reality, selfish, etc., your chances of ever becoming wealthy are probably close to ZERO.

You could have a royal flush in your hands and you will STILL find a way to lose all your chips…all because your brain deeply associates the gaining of wealth with becoming “that kind of person”…and you NEVER want to become “that kind of person”.

The good news is, we can CHANGE the mental associations that are fighting against us and replace them with ones that fight FOR us.

We can change them by looking them in the face, challenging them, and choosing to focus on better examples…(hanging out more with people who have awesome marriages, reading stories about wealthy people who are doing amazing/heartwarming things to impact the world for good, etc.).

The best place to start is to change our thoughts and words so that they are aligned with what we want. But we have to start paying attention to them first…and that’s often enough.